From: "stephane richard" <stephane.richard@verizon.net>
Subject: Thought I'd throw this in ;-) for the sake of conversation.
Date: Fri, 24 Sep 2004 01:12:38 GMT
Date: 2004-09-24T01:12:38+00:00 [thread overview]
Message-ID: <awK4d.7841$kn2.7530@trndny07> (raw)
If you take time to read all this (including the Ada version) there's some
basis of truth to this.
a.. Ada: After correctly packaging your foot, you attempt to concurrently
load the gun, pull the trigger, scream and shoot yourself in the foot. This
goes in a rendez-vous task until the ambulance gets here along with proper
bullet infury materials and the hospital already knows you're on your way
there.
a.. C: You shoot yourself in the foot.
a.. C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot
them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible
since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at
others and saying, "That's me, over there."
a.. FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out
of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of
bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling ability.
a.. Modula-2: After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in
this language, you shoot yourself in the head.
a.. COBOL: Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place
ARM.HAND.FINGER. on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to
HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied.
a.. LISP: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot
yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself
in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the
appendage which holds ....
a.. BASIC: Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems,
continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.
a.. FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot.
a.. APL: You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how
to do it in fewer characters.
a.. Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.
a.. SNOBOL: If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail,
shoot yourself in the right foot.
a.. Concurrent Euclid: You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot. (Winner
of the Jason E. Bean Memorial "Pee Yourself Laughing" Award)
a.. HyperTalk: Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you.
Answer the result.
a.. Motif: You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the
trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of
the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.
a.. Unix:
% ls foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
% rm *.o rm:.o: No such file or directory
% ls
%
a.. Paradox: Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can
too.
a.. Revelation: You'll be able to shoot yourself in the foot just as soon as
you figure out what all these bullets are for.
a.. Visual Basic: You'll shoot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much
fun doing it that you won't care.
a.. Prolog: You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The
program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to
explain.
a.. 370 JCL: You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document
explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes
back deep-fried.
a.. Assembly: You try to shoot yourself in the foot only to discover you
must first reinvent the gun, the bullet, and your foot.
a.. Perl: You hack your leg off with your trusty Swiss Army chainsaw.
a.. PVM: You send the gun a message to shoot you in the foot. Two hours
later, the gun goes off, missing you entirely and injuring a bystander.
a.. Tcl/Tk: You tickle the bottom of your feet, but it doesn't seem to do
anything.
next reply other threads:[~2004-09-24 1:12 UTC|newest]
Thread overview: 11+ messages / expand[flat|nested] mbox.gz Atom feed top
2004-09-24 1:12 stephane richard [this message]
2004-09-24 9:56 ` Thought I'd throw this in ;-) for the sake of conversation Björn Persson
2004-09-24 11:54 ` Nick Roberts
2004-09-24 13:35 ` Chris Humphries
2004-09-24 19:52 ` Nick Roberts
2004-09-27 13:25 ` Chris Humphries
2004-09-25 5:26 ` Wes Groleau
2004-09-24 13:55 ` Jean-Pierre Rosen
2004-09-24 17:36 ` Benjamin Ketcham
2004-09-24 20:17 ` Frank J. Lhota
2004-09-25 0:35 ` Brian May
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